As I write this column, I'm in the midst of holiday shopping. You probably won't be surprised that I need to vent frustration with the poor service I'm experiencing.
Now call me stupid, call me insensitive, call me Ebenezer Scrooge, but is giving good service really so difficult? I can't explain why it's happening, but isn't there a definite overall drop in the level of customer service?
Where I find good service, it's the exception rather than the rule. And I don't think I'm alone in this. Practically everyone I've talked to has a recent story to tell about outrageously bad service they've received.
Rather than wallow in sorrow, I've added their experiences to my own, applied a little cynicism and humor (next to better service, it's the best remedy), and, at the risk of being compared to Andy Rooney, put together the following list of customer service wishes for my readers in this new year.
May you find a doctor's office where the megaphone-voiced receptionist does not ask you, in front of 40 or 50 people in the reception area, "Who are you here to see, and is it regarding your recent rectal surgery?"
May you go to an auto "service" dealership that actually repairs your car instead of giving it back to you without fixing it, and telling you the problem is "normal" and you should just live with it, or it isn't covered under warranty.
May you experience a fast food drive-through where you can clearly understand what the person on the speaker is saying, and where you get correct change, napkins, straws, and ketchup without asking.
May you travel on an airline that understands that checked bags and specific passengers travel together, and should end up at the same destination at the same time.
May you shop at any department store anywhere where you can find anyone to help you with anything.
May you stay at a hotel that does not believe that hair left in the bathtub is an avant-garde decorating technique.
May you find a government-center worker who treats you like a real human being instead of "number 89" or "next."
May you go to a car dealership that tells you up front that it will take three days instead of one to fix your car.
May you do business with a company that has live humans answering the phones and doesn't launch customers into a dead-end automated call router.
May you see a food server who washes his hands after sneezing into them, or who throws away the cup that fell on the floor instead of putting it back on the counter.
May you see a doctor who doesn't believe it's fine that you wait more than an hour to get in to see her, because her time is more valuable than yours.
May you go to a bank teller who apologizes for mistakenly giving you too much cash, instead of telling you, "It's okay; the bank would have just caught it later and charged your account."
May you convince the city snowplow driver not to plow snow from the street onto your driveway and sidewalk after you've just cleared them off.
May you find a windshield repair company that doesn't tell you after six failed tries to fix your cracked windshield that you should turn up your car radio to drown out the wind noise.
May you experience any service employee who says "you're welcome" after you say "thank you," instead of saying "yeah, no problem."
May you find, after taking your arthritis medication for five years, that it doesn't promote kidney failure or heart disease.
May you talk to a real, live computer support technician when you call the 800 number, one who can answer your questions without using computer jargon.
May you go to a restaurant where you don't have to ask for a glass of water.
May you visit a Web site that does not force you to see pop-up advertisements.
May you shop where the employees greet you with a friendly "hello" and ask you if you need assistance, rather than standing around talking to each other in the back of the store.
May you have a newspaper carrier who doesn't define "at the front door" as the middle of the yard, where you need to retrieve the paper in your BVDs at minus 40 degrees.
May you shop in stores where merchandise is presented in an orderly fashion on clean shelves with price labels, so that you don't have to bring your portable bar code reader with you.
May you find a cable, phone, or utility company that can tell you exactly what time a service person will be at your house, so you don't have to take off a whole day of work to wait.
May you travel on an airline that doesn't tell you, after you've hurried to get to the airport, gone through security, rushed down to the very last gate, and finally squeezed into your seat, that the plane will be sitting there for "a while" because it needs repairs.
May you find a grocery store that donates its day-old baked goods to the local food shelf instead of trying to sell them to you.
May you find a valet parker who returns your car with only one more mile on the odometer, not an additional 100.
May you travel on an airline where the flight attendants act as though they enjoyed any part of their job.
May you find a shipping company that picks up your package on time, rather than explaining when you call the next day that the driver got lost.
May you find a network television show that you can watch with your family.
May you find that a merchant known for community involvement hasn't become so internally focused that it won't allow Salvation Army bell ringers outside its doors during the holiday season.
May you find a hospital where you don't have to pay for parking to visit your recuperating and terminally ill friends and relatives.
This list could go on and on, and it may be the source of a few laughs, but my point is that most companies provide acceptable service most of the time, bad service some of the time, and really good service only rarely. No matter if you are an employee, manager, or owner, you should understand that your customers only want:
